A Quick Celly Re: Perfectly Named Food
Welcome to the 2024 Perfectly Named Food Competition!
I am absolutely thrilled you could be here for today’s very special celebration. How charming of you to have come! Wouldn’t you know it, you’ve arrived at the perfect time — what coincidence, what luck! It is time for me to announce the winners of this year’s Perfectly Named Food Prize!!! Are you excited??? Are you ready? Drumroll please…
In third place… we have…
The Butter Board!
Awarded this year’s Bronze Medal, The Butter Board is a delightfully named food that came to fruition in the year 2023. Made popular by TikTok, The Butter Board had its five minutes of internet fame for being an affordable and accessible addition to party tables. Later, it was adopted to more personal tables by depressives and introverts alike for its ease, convenience and mood-boosting effects. Turns out eating an entire stick of butter by yourself in slow, adorable increments leads to dopamine hits you wouldn’t believe and regret you’ll never forget!
Today, our judges validate The Butter Board in the food history books as a Perfectly Named Food for three reasons. They are:
- Its Freshman Status. Like the Oxford University Press, we love to identify that which is shiny and new to our society, which The Butter Board…
